A concise, curated list of 25 memorable lines from Clone High—drawn from both the 2002-03 original run (S-1 E-1-13) and the 2023 revival (S-2 E-1-10).
Together they spotlight the show’s irreverent humour, teen angst, and surprising pathos while tracing core themes such as identity, friendship, destiny and institutional control.
Ask not what your student body president can do for you—ask what you can do to your student body president’s body
Episode 1 (Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand)
Speaker: John F. Kennedy
Context: JFK’s election pitch reveals his ego, libido and early comic dominance.
When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons and make super lemons
Episode 2 (Election Blu-Galoo)
Speaker: Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth
Context: Sets up Scudworth’s mad-science hubris and series-long cloning satire.
I’m tired of making exceptions, hussy, and I’m tired of playing second fiddle to that pooch!
Episode 3 (A.D.D.: The Last “D” Is for Disorder)
Speaker: John F. Kennedy
Context: Jealous JFK lashes out at Cleo, exposing insecurity beneath bravado.
School after school? No way! One school’s enough for the G-man, but two schools is like WHAAAAT?
Episode 3 (A.D.D.: The Last “D” Is for Disorder)
Speaker: Mahatma Gandhi
Context: Gandhi’s hyperactive riff underlines his ADHD plot and comic relief role.
Girls, girls, please! I love you both—one platonically, one with a fiery passion most people know but once in a lifetime
Episode 8 (A Room of One’s Clone: Pie of the Storm)
Speaker: Abraham Lincoln
Context: Abe’s romantic confusion drives the central love-triangle tension.
You know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on… but the metaphorical nail is you back-stabbing me
Episode 4 (Film Fest: Tears of a Clone)
Speaker: Abraham Lincoln
Context: Abe’s melodrama lampoons teen over-reaction while deepening rift with Joan.
Anyone for scoooones?
Episode 1 (Escape to Beer Mountain)
Speaker: Mr. Butlertron
Context: The caring robot butler’s catch-phrase contrasts Scudworth’s chaos.
They flipped the pool! They flipped the b*tch!
Episode 1 (Recap cold-open)
Speaker: Principal Scudworth
Context: Scudworth laments riot fallout, foreshadowing his obsession with control.
This was a wake-up call… about needing to sleep!
Episode 5 (Sleep of Faith: La Rue d’Awakening)
Speaker: Abraham Lincoln
Context: Abe’s sleep-deprivation epiphany skewers teen work-ethic pressure.
I can stay up all night long! I accentuated the up and the long for… obvious reasons
Episode 12 (Makeover, Makeover, Makeover)
Speaker: John F. Kennedy
Context: Classic JFK innuendo during study montage, highlighting his comic timing.
Welcome to the Grassy Knoll—try the Jack Ruby Red Berry Blast
Episode 7 (Plane Crazy: Gate Expectations)
Speaker: Fast-food cashier
Context: Dark presidential humour satirises merch-driven teen culture.
I hate this school
Episode 7 (Plane Crazy)
Speaker: Mahatma Gandhi
Context: Gandhi’s frustration hints at feelings of alienation beneath jokes.
Perhaps you could get Clone High a corporate sponsor—those Pumas were rather fresh
Episode 2 (Election Blu-Galoo)
Speaker: Mr. Butlertron
Context: Butlertron’s dry wit critiques commercialization of education.
Sell out? Turn the school into a profit-hungry corporation? Why, that idea’s as foolish as getting new brakes anywhere but Midas!
Episode 2 (Election Blu-Galoo)
Speaker: Principal Scudworth
Context: Immediate corporate name-drop satirises product placement.
You signed a nondisclosure agreement! I’m gonna sue your hand-me-down pants off, bleacher trash!
Episode 8 (A Room of One’s Clone)
Speaker: Cleopatra
Context: Cleo’s vanity and vindictiveness heighten social-status conflicts.
Ask me about my right to choose!
Episode 9 (Raising the Stakes: A Rock Opera)
Speaker: Joan of Arc
Context: Joan’s protest-song line merges teen activism with self-discovery arc.
It’s ya boi, Co-Co-Confucius!
Episode 4 x2023 (The Cordial Conflict)
Speaker: Confucius
Context: Revival’s hip-hop greeting marks new-era clones forging identities.
All our gold and riches are now yours—except that amulet; Dave Coulier gave me that
Episode 5 x2023 (Moon Juice)
Speaker: Harriet Tubman
Context: Tubman’s absurd aside reflects show’s anachronistic humour.
I’m Joan of Arc, and I don’t need a man—except maybe a really tall one who’s emotionally unavailable
Episode 6 (Homecoming Part 2)
Speaker: Joan of Arc
Context: Joan’s self-aware quip underscores ongoing struggle for independence.
Clone High isn’t a school—it’s a loaded gun pointed at the future
Episode 10 x2023 (Bad Fellows)
Speaker: Shadowy Figure
Context: Stakes escalate; dark truth about project’s militaristic purpose.
A mystery boy comes to town—and he’s brought a surprise ending that would shock you!
Episode 11 (Snowflake Day special teaser)
Speaker: Series Announcer
Context: Meta-teaser ridicules soap-opera cliff-hangers, breaking fourth wall.
Maybe we could have dinner at Olive Garden… it’s like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype
Episode 10 (Litter Kills: Litterally)
Speaker: Principal Scudworth
Context: Scudworth’s naïve enthusiasm satirizes mass-market “authenticity”.
This is a very tough time for me—without Cleo I’m a broken man… let’s all go swimming in my pool… and by pool I mean bathtub, and by swimming I mean sex!
Episode 6 (Homecoming: A Shot in D’Arc)
Speaker: John F. Kennedy
Context: Heights of JFK heartbreak meet classic sexual bravado.
God has a plan for all of us—a painful, painful plan
Episode 9 (Raising the Stakes: A Rock Opera)
Speaker: Jesús Cristo
Context: Comic nihilism underscores show’s irreverent take on faith.
I’ll sleep when I die—
Episode 5 (Sleep of Faith)
Speaker: Toots
Context: Elder wisdom pushes Abe toward healthier balance, softening cynicism.
These twenty-five lines capture Clone High’s unique blend of parody, teenage melodrama and existential commentary, charting how its young historical icons wrestle with destiny, desire and the absurd institutions shaping their lives.
